I lately have been dealing with the difficulty of speaking my mind.
Often, there is so much to say that I feel overwhelmed by the words approaching my throat, that the voice gets bottled up, and… I can’t speak.
This happens when:
A) What I want to say is too complicated and I want to say too many things at once to communicate the right nuance
B) When I worry that what I am about to say is not going to be understood the way I intend it
C) I am not sure what I can and cannot say–a case of heavy self-censorship
D) I don’t have confidence in the person (or people) listening to understand what I am saying or why I am saying what I am saying
On the other hand, I can fall into verbal diarrhea. That’s when I can’t stop talking. This happens when:
A) I have confidence that the person I am talking to is going to understand what I am trying to say
B) I have been silent for too long and there is stuff that I just have to get out (This doesn’t happen as much in recent years thanks to Misha’s generous ears)
Sometimes this happens in appropriate settings, and sometimes not. The other day I felt like I took over an entire conversation for a whole meal, which I felt a little bad about. Hopefully, it didn’t bother the others too much.
On a completely unrelated note, I ran a half-marathon this past Sunday. It was fun, but because I couldn’t train for it adequately, I am suffering the aftereffects of over-taxing my body.