That is that to be less likely to be a target, you have to be less afraid. Not just pretend that you are not afraid, but really not be afraid.
Fear makes you slouch, your body movement jerky and stiff, and it also makes you panic.
To the person who is looking to attack, that body language (even in the dark) spells: “Attack me!”
So, what is the best way not to be afraid?
Train yourself against possible attackers. Learn self-defense with a good teacher who is concerned for your safety.
I was lucky to have met such a teacher who had a background in Judo and physical thearapy, but also had been a military officer, incredibly strong and sensitive and big. His name, Dror.
He is one of the people I admire the most.
Misha also admires him a lot.
Looking at out little Leo’s already big and strong build, we hope that Leo also turns into a guy like Dror–strong, sensitive, and kind.
When I was first learning Krav Maga with Dror, I was often the only female student in the class.
I didn’t particularly care and neither did Misha, but the other boys didn’t take me seriously. When I coupled up to train with them, they would let me off the hook too easily. I wasn’t really “training.” They would keep going easy on me. If I got a little serious, they would be like, “ooh, you’re strong!” but I wasn’t strong enough to whip them into shape. I couldn’t really train with Misha because he was the wrong match for me in terms of height and level, although we sometimes did couple up in training.
Dror saw this and tried to get the boys (especially the ones who were good matches for me height-wise and skill-wise) to take me seriously, but it wasn’t exactly working. He would come up to me in say, “You know, Kaguya, you should really be taking this seriously, especially for your own safety. As a woman, this is really important for you….” I totally agreed with him, but I wasn’t the super-martial arts girl who was so serious that I made the training partner serious too. It’s hard to train seriously against someone who is being like, “ooohh, girl! I have to be gentle!!” So, Dror coupled me up one day with a guy who was a psycologist by the day.
When we were training, he worked to incite fear in me as he came to grab my throat. He was good. He also controlled his strength so that I got real practice against a possible attaker. Now, I was getting training.
I have been a pretty active person my entire life: Physical education was mandatory throughout my primary and secondary education and I didn’t look for opportunities to skimp out on them. In elementary school, we had annual short marathons, which we all had to run for; in fifth grade, I was on the varsity basket ball team; and in sixth grade I was on the varsity track team. In junior high and high school, I was in the Judo team and towards the end of my junior high days, I also started modern Jazz dance. I will skip over what I did in the later years, that is, from the time I left Japan till now, but I believe that this continual physical activity contributes to my naturally strong body and makes me look confident.
I have seen people express fear when walking down supposedly dangerous places. The moment they are afraid, they body language changes to what I described above. It made me want to walk far, far away from them because I thought, “well, if I were looking to attack someone, I certainly will pick this person!!”
Of course, attacks are unpredictable and this kind of arrogance can lead to foolish behavior which could invite attakers and also some will come whatever your attitude. But, I do feel like too many women are irrationally scared. I think it would do them some good to go learn Krav Maga with Dror. He will teach you some techniques against possible offenders and instill you with real confidence that will do you a lot of good.